Forgive me

If you're a musician, you've encountered The Jokes. Like medicine and law, live music is a profession about which zillions of jokes are told. The main difference, I suppose, is that although doctor and lawyer jokes are common coin, musicians jokes mostly get swapped among musicians.

So at the risk of boring my musician readers, I wanted to share a few zingers from a cache of musician jokes I ran across the other day. Some are classics of the genre; others were new to me.

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A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up, I'd like to be a musician."
She replies, "Honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: The Defendant.

Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

Q: What's the difference between a folk musician and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.

Q: What will you never say about a keyboard player?
A: "That's the keyboard player's Porsche."

Q: What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road and a dead trombonist in the road?
A: There's the remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.

Q: What's the definition of optimism?
A: A saxophone player with a beeper.

Q: How do you reduce wind drag on a bass player's car?
A: Take the Domino's sign off the roof.

Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: His amp.

Q: What's the difference between a bull and a band?
A: The bull has the horns in front and the asshole in the back.

Q: How do you get a bass player off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What's the last thing a drummer says before he gets kicked out of a band?
A: "When do we get to play my songs?"